I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
