At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
