I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
