Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
