I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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