I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
