phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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