Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
