i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
