I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
