We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
