I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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