Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
