His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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