I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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