We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
