Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
