If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
