you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
