two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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