youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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