he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
