We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Couch. On fire.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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