Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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