Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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