Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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