I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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