Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
