My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
