I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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