I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
