my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
