ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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