Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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