like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
