So drunk its hurt
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
