somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
