We won't sleep together?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
