the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
