I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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