Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
