i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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