thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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