My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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