He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
50% drunk capacity currently
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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