Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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