I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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