Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
babies were throwing up all over the place
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
