I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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