you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
