Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
