We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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