my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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